Tiny Masters of Today

Label:

Mute

Release date:

Mon, 2007/08/06

So, David Carritt gives us this fine review of the Tiny Masters of Today’s debut album. It’s safe to say he’s not a fan. Here at artrocker, there’s a fair few us who are keen on these young uns. But not David. Have you heard them? Seen them at the club? What do you reckon? Has David got a point? Add your comments to his review…

But something doesn’t seem right about it, something almost, sorry to say it, creepy about the whole debacle; like those car adverts featuring the two fat kids as middle-aged northerners, or Lil’ Chris

Ah, youngsters! Playing football in the park, climbing trees with reckless abandon, hanging out with Bowie; not a worry in the world!

Sorry, what was that bit about Bowie?

Yes, Bowie. You see, New York’s pre-teen punk rockers Tiny Masters of Today haven’t had, or rather aren’t having, what most would consider a ‘normal’ childhood. Creating the sort of scuzz-enfused garage rock that would make the D4 (ask your friendless, hygiene-starved older brother) pap themselves, Brother and sister duo Ivan, 13, and Ada, 11, are about to release their debut album to practically slathering public. And the Thin White Duke himself has already declared himself a fan.

It’s not just him either: John Spencer Blues Explosion sticksman Russell Simins is their drummer, and previous collaborators include Karen O and Kimya “Mouldy Peaches” Dawson. It’s sort of like Jim’ll Fix It - if your childhood dream just happens to be to reviving the flagging careers of indie also-rans, that is. Why not just have Jason Stollsteimer and Dolf de Datsun on hand-clap duties and be done with it?

‘Bang Bang Boom Cake’ stays true to the band’s influences; catchy, distorted guitar riffs mixed with simplistic anti-establishment lyrics - and considering they have an average age of 12, it’s pretty impressive stuff. But something doesn’t seem right about it, something almost, sorry to say it, creepy about the whole debacle; like those car adverts featuring the two fat kids as middle-aged northerners, or Lil’ Chris.

It’s difficult to know exactly who this will appeal to, seeing as listening to a protest song about George Bush (or “Bushy”) by someone who isn’t able to even vote for another six years is a bit like being taught open heart surgery by Lenny Henry; a nice enough idea, but you can’t really take it seriously. Child stardom can be a difficult cross to bear, and time will tell whether the pressures of such early fame will take its toll. Will they ascend to the status of Rock Royalty? Or will they resurface in 10 years time, possibly on assault charges, as bitter, slightly-unstable heroin addicts? Sadly, there isn’t much evidence on this record to suggest either scenario.

Maybe they’ll just end up in telesales.

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Russell Simins Reviews

Bang Bang Boom Cake