So in case you didn’t know, Arctic Monkeys’ third album leaked earlier this week and although I haven’t downloaded it I know from the 30 seconds I’ve heard of ‘Crying Lighting’ that I’d probably gain greater pleasure sticking a cheese grater up my arse and bopping down a hill on a space hopper than hearing the rest of the album. Don’t get me wrong, I used to be as keen as any other young 16 year old boy to jump to the defence of Alex Turner and his pals, but they’ve let me down. "But they’ve gone in a darker direction" wail the fanboys with their cocks firmly still up Turner’s arse. Since when has the definition of ‘darker’ been slowing your songs down to a mind-numbingly boring tempo and singing lyrics so metaphorically shit that he may as well be fapping into the microphone?